Tee'd Off

When Derek and I moved into this house, getting the new phone service set up was quite a fiasco.
The phone company (I'll refer to them as QWorst) told me several things that were untrue, including the fact that wound up in me actually not having phone service at both my old and new residences simultaneously.

When we had moved, QWorst assured me that not only was I able to keep the old phone number, but they could activate the line so that our current (old) number would ring at both residences if someone called.

Big fat ugly mole with a hair growing out of it bald faced lie!

Instead we wound up having to wait 4 days in our new home with phone service, but we were told that they would keep the old line active at no charge to us. Great consolation since the house was in escrow and the new owners had actually taken physical possession.

QWorst also neglected to inform me of the necessary updates required to keep my DSL service. They cheerily told me I'd have to download new software to update the DSL modem, as the new residence was going to be a different "Flavor" of DSL service, and until I had downloaded that new software, I would be unable to get online. HUH?

How do you suppose I would be able to get to the support website and download the required software if I am unable to get online because my software needed updating?

QWorst said they could mail me a CD rom, for a fee, and it would arrive in 7 to 10 business days.

(Long story, short {Too late, I know...}, I bribed a local friend with access to download the files for me, in exchange for me cooking dinner, he then brought the software to me! Thanks Mike!)

Our new phone was installed.

Great! Hooray!

Easy to remember number. Repetitive. Flows.
Great number. Or so we thought.

We started getting odd phone calls. Often. At late hours of the evening, and early morning. Sleepytime.
Usually in Asian languages that I am unable to reference being that I am painfully Casper the Ghost white.

Then we started getting phone calls during the day.

Normally we do not answer the phone unless we know the phone number calling, we let the machine pick up. We figure if it isn't important enough for you to at least attempt to leave a message, it isn't important enough for us to call you back. Weeds out a lot of dead weight.

The phone calls got annoying.

Finally I decided to investigate some.

A little history. Oregon, a number of years ago, decided to add an area code to the state, since 503 area code was filling up. It was decided that Portland would keep the 503 area code, but other areas of the state would be moved to area code 541.

Great idea.

What people didn't count on was that the internet was proliferating rapidly. Some people would create websites with phone numbers. Other entrepreneurs would create telephone directories based entirely off of those websites. Then those entrepreneurs would make new web page directories and publish them for tourists. And so on.

As it turns out, the phone number we now have used to be for a golf course. If you dial my number with the 541 area code, that is indeed what you would get. Instead, a multitude of websites advertise my home phone number as the golf course info line.

I made attempts to contact the webhosts and webmasters of erroneous info mongerers everywhere. There was an obvious language barrier on more than one occasion. I did manage to get my number removed from a Japanese Golf Golf Happy! Page. The rest, unchanged.

The calls persisted.

I contacted the golf course, they seemed apathetic. The lackey at the other end of the phone said, "What do you want me to do about it?"

I guess nothing.

I called QWorst to complain. Sure, they would be happy to change me to a new telephone number, for a fee.

No way those thieving, book cooking, money grubbing, lying, cheating, pole jockeys were getting more of my hard earned money.

So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Now when we get phone calls, the conversation goes somewhat like this:

"Sure, we'd be happy to put you down for a Tee Time. In fact, if you bring a guest, you can play for free!"

We figure after a few months of angry and unhappy customers, perhaps the golf course might be persuaded to take action or at least help to join the fight.


Until then, anyone want to book some time on the greens? I might drive the golf cart myself!

Being Mooned...

The full moon has to affect people. Craziness exists on many levels, and nothing seems to bring it out in humanity than the full moon force. Add to that, we had Friday the 13th. Surely something odd was bound to happen.

Had to go to a big warehouse style store today.

Not one of my favorite places to frequent, but sometimes when you buy in bulk, you save. I try to do my grocery shopping weekly, and then avoid the store the rest of the week. This saves time, money, and aggravation as well. We try to make only one trip out.

Derek and I had a fine time inside the store. It was pretty crazy, but not as crazy as during the Christmas and holiday season. We trudged across the parking lot to our vehicle, a very good distance away.

We unloaded our purchases into the back of the SUV. Our dog (who always travels with us) was eagerly watching all of the "hunting" we had just done, and was wide eyed with what I'm sure he suspected was food for him in some manner.

It was raining, as usual. Raining plenty. And colder, some wind is blowing since we are getting another storm system moving in.

Derek set the cart off along an area of the parking lot adjacent to the parking stalls, next to another cart that was already there, instead of taking the cart 150 feet to one of the cart "corrals".

This woman immediately started yelling at us.

"Would it kill you to take that cart back to where they go?"

She had no purchases of her own. Apparently she was having a bad day.
Interrupting us with her bad mood, probably not a good idea. Normally I would have ignored her. Derek got stirred up.

Luckily, no one was injured, although there was quite a verbal barrage back and forth. I declined to advise him that fighting a battle of the wits with someone who was obviously unarmed wasn't a fair fight, but I figured that would have just made him want to push her buttons even more.

Crazy Woman, if you read this:
A) There were carts scattered all around the lot, our one cart was definitely not going to cause the retriever any additional grief since we put our cart right next to one already there
B) Mind your own business. That employee that has to retrieve the carts has a paying job, and having had to get carts myself at a job, it builds character
C) Actions speak louder than words. I would have respected you, crazy lady, if you had taken the cart back yourself, but being the lazy cranky mess you were, you would rather complain about bad things than take the time to fix what was perceived by you as something wrong.
D) You were not around when we arrived at the store, took a stray cart way out in the parking lot, and drove it all the way inside to use for our shopping just so there was one less cart out there.

I wonder what the next full moon might bring!

Honey! There is a fetus riding our dog!

Ok, I stole the title from the short lived comedy show crafted by Matt Stone and Trey Parker of South Park Fame.
"That's My Bush!", was pretty bad, but pretty obscenely funny. It was undoubtedly too crude and too mean spirited of a Bush bashing to last on TV anyway.

In one of the episodes that line was used. Laura Bush screamed that after an aborted fetus (who had lived after the procedure and lived to be an adult although he never grew larger than the size he was when "aborted") landed on the family dog, and the dog ended up running around the room wildly.

Did I scare you away yet?

No?

Sheesh.


I adopted my own little animated Pilgrim Fetus.

Ain't he cute!

Why a Pilgrim?

My mother had the good sense to have my birthday on a holiday. I don't know what her secret was, or whether is was simply in the stars. Born on Thanksgiving Day. Truly, I am a turkey.

Thanksgiving has become my favorite holiday. To me is it about togetherness, and holds more spirit to me in most cases than Christmas. Being an adult, I try to organize "Orphan" Thanksgiving, inviting over anyone I know, or even don't know, to share a dinner cooked in my home by me, and whomever chooses to bravely enter my kitchen.

So, I adopted the Pilgrim Fetus.

I know, sickly cute. I'm new at this blog slog. I'm sure I'll find all kinds of cutesy things to put up as time goes by.

I'm just starting out, so sue me!

Seal Beatings

The three of us boys were pretty responsible growing up. We all had our moments, and I'm sure that some of the gray hair(s) showing up on our parents can be blamed on all three of us. As adults, I hope that we are fairly harmonious.

Growing up, I became a hoarder. As an adult, it is nearly compulsive. I worry about throwing things away that might serve a useful purpose. You never know when you might need that one piece of paper with that scribbled writing on it that didn't mean a thing to you when you looked at it yesterday, but meant a great deal when you awoke at 3 AM and jotted down your next invention idea.

On the flip side of my OCD personality trait, I am a saver. Hoarder, saver, same difference?

Vitamin-E Bro and his lovely shrinking wife Kelli bought me an iTunes Gift Certificate for Christmas and my birthday.
I love iTunes, and have been using it since the beginning. I've had an Apple computer for ages. Love them.

In my youth, I would have gone to iTunes and bought everything I could think of in quick and immediate totality, exhausting the thoughtful gift.

Instead, as an adult, I've made a rule.

If I want something, I have to wait two weeks.

If I still want it, and it is in the budget, I can buy it.

This tends to save me all kinds of money. But since the iTunes money wasn't really *my* money, I'm gonna spend it as I find things that appeal to me. A bit responsible, while still allowing me to be spontaneous.

Being naturally blond, and having a short attention span, I'm easily distracted by other things to buy.

So today on the way home from church (my weekly grocery shopping trip), I was listening to the radio.

A Seal song came on that I had never heard before.
Catchy, soulful, and emotionally charged.

So, there goes 10 bucks from my iTunes Gift Certificate.

If you like Seal, I recommend his album titled IV.


If you are more budget minded, for 99 cents, buy Seal - Love's Divine

Thanks Kelli and Eric!

Chain of Fools

My brother tagged me on his blog. I'll complete the remedial task of answering, but I won't tag anyone else, since I'm a newbie. Normally I would have considered this to be somewhat of a chain letter, but I'll play along anyway.

Four Jobs You've Had in Your Life:
1. Dishwasher
2. Shoe Salesman
3. Certified 35 MM Acetate Film Projectionist
4. Computer Systems Analyst - Payroll (Nearly 15 years with the same company)



Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over:
1. Sneakers
2. Contact
3. Clue
4. All The President's Men

Four Places You've Lived:
1. Anchorage, Alaska
2. Federal Way, Washington
3. Greenbrae, California
4. Portland, Oregon


Four TV Show You Love to Watch:
1. Distraction
2. Good Eats
3. Law and Order (Any of them)
4. The West Wing

Four Websites You Visit Daily:
1. Get Your Bootleg On!
2. The Motley Fool
3. Rick Emerson
4. KGW News for Oregon


Four of Your Favorite Foods:
1. Deep Fried Cheese Curds
2. Häagen-Dazs Vanilla Fudge Brownie Ice Cream
3. Herbes de Provence roasted Yukon Gold Potato Wedges
4. Gen Tso's Chicken

Four Albums You Can't Live Without (at least for the moment):

1. Untitled - The Rembrandts
2. Heart Shaped World - Chris Isaak
3. Vespertine – Björk
4. Recurring Dream : The Very Best of - Crowded House

Four Places You'd Rather Be:
1. Ireland
2. Berlin
3. Alaska
4. The Moon

I hope to bang like a monkey!

Did you click in the link above?

Do it! Do it NOW!

My older brother has been blogging for quite a while now. His pages are always funny, entertaining, educational, odd, or at least confusing. He's been suggesting that I might "guest" blog for him sometime. A few days ago, he posted what I took to be a challenge to create my own blog.

So, here it is.

Monkey Bangings?


Yes.

No.

Why?

The Infinite Monkey Theorem is an interesting concept.

If you read the link, you'll understand the premise itself.

I don't honestly think my musings of these electrons might someday be works comparable to Shakespeare. I do hope that you come away laughing or thinking. Hopefully both.

I do ask for patience during the infancy stage of my blogdom. I still have a lot to learn.