Justice, there are numerous definitions, but this one is the one I find most fitting:
The upholding of what is just, especially fair treatment and due reward in accordance with honor, standards, or law.
Why do I mention this?
Funny little story.
A few weeks back we were having company visit us from Atlanta. Being that we are polite and generous hosts, we felt it unnecessary to have our guests rent a car for a few days since I would be taking time off from work to play tour guide. We would all get along quite well, provided no one minded the dog fur in my SUV.
After retrieving the arriving persons at the airport, we made our way home. While attempting to merge into traffic onto the interstate highway, some rude driver already on the highway refused to let people in, at 60 miles per hour. Undaunted, and being much bigger than the tiny Toyota Matrix, I simply turned my blinker on, and moved into the lane. There was plenty of safe distance, although the driver felt that I had encroached upon their personal space. Being that we were in the more right of the lanes of traffic, I was traveling slower than the rest of the lanes, but still maintaining 60 or so.
Our less than happy tailgater decided to slingshot around me, honking and flashing hi-beam headlights. We moved around into the left lane, and then immediately in front of me. If I had been the typical troublemaker of my youth, I would have done something brash and annoying. This time, however, we had company, and I felt no need to create a car accident. I simply kept in the lane, and accelerated to about 65, the posted maximum limit. The Toyota Matrix, who we determined was female, has Nevada plates. She was not accelerating, but trying to slow down, in an attempt to annoy me. I didn't care. We kept driving. I changed lanes into the left lane as she continued to slow down.
Suddenly, she shot out into the left lane, and accelerated off, like a bat out of hell. I'd guess she was likely trying to show me up, or some such silly nonsense. My estimate of her speed, considering the rate at which she was no longer visible to me, was probably close to 80 or 85.
We discussed in the cabin of the SUV that she must be pissed off. We laughed it off, and continued home.
As we drove over a stretch of road, and made the lane changes to come upon the exit to my house, we saw up in the distance the familiar flashing blue and red lights of the Portland Police Department. As we approached, we saw a Toyota Matrix with Nevada plates pulled off the road, and the police officer right behind her. Hmmm, think perhaps she was caught being reckless and speeding and with out of state plates, which would have made her a further target? Oh darn! Poor tourist!
Everybody wave!!!!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
He's Back! He's Back! Rick's Back on the Air!
Click the link above.
DO IT!
DO IT NOW!
I love Rick Emerson.
He is the *man*!
He makes me laugh, he makes fun of people, and I can relate to him.
He's funny, and has had quite some interesting ups and downs with his radio show(s).
I used to listen dutifully daily. I would elongate my lunch hour, take breaks to sneak out to the car and listen, and finally broke down and bought a radio for my desk at work so that I could listen and work at the same time. (Well, listen mostly)
Then, along comes some changes, and they moved him to an earlier time in the morning to accomodate a new line-up.
Ok. I'll play along. Cranky, I changed my listening habits.
Then one day, vanished. Gone. Suddenly Rick was replaced by some odd pre-fab cookie cutter radio station format.
No warning.
Nothing.
Like finding out someone ran over your dog, and didn't even have the decency to stop to see if he was even ok.
Just drove on for miles, with your dog's tail still stuck in the front bumper.
I threw my radio away, after smashing it to pieces. (Yes, I have anger issues...)
Today, as I was driving back from lunch, and Dr. Laura was really starting to make me want to hurl myself into a wall repeatedly, I switched the channel on the radio.
I heard that voice.
I thought it must be a re-broadcast, perhaps a podcast on the radio.
I listened along anyway, hoping it would be a funny show from the past.
It wasn't.
It was live.
Heeeeeeeee's Baaaaaaaack!
I'm so stoked.
This made my whole day.
For the rest of you who don't have any idea, go listen.
Load up your iTunes, search the podcasts for the Rick Emerson show. Listen for a few days worth of espisodes.
Get into the groove, Rick's style, and the general feel.
You'll laugh until you wet yourself.
I have to go buy a new radio for my desk now!
DO IT!
DO IT NOW!
I love Rick Emerson.
He is the *man*!
He makes me laugh, he makes fun of people, and I can relate to him.
He's funny, and has had quite some interesting ups and downs with his radio show(s).
I used to listen dutifully daily. I would elongate my lunch hour, take breaks to sneak out to the car and listen, and finally broke down and bought a radio for my desk at work so that I could listen and work at the same time. (Well, listen mostly)
Then, along comes some changes, and they moved him to an earlier time in the morning to accomodate a new line-up.
Ok. I'll play along. Cranky, I changed my listening habits.
Then one day, vanished. Gone. Suddenly Rick was replaced by some odd pre-fab cookie cutter radio station format.
No warning.
Nothing.
Like finding out someone ran over your dog, and didn't even have the decency to stop to see if he was even ok.
Just drove on for miles, with your dog's tail still stuck in the front bumper.
I threw my radio away, after smashing it to pieces. (Yes, I have anger issues...)
Today, as I was driving back from lunch, and Dr. Laura was really starting to make me want to hurl myself into a wall repeatedly, I switched the channel on the radio.
I heard that voice.
I thought it must be a re-broadcast, perhaps a podcast on the radio.
I listened along anyway, hoping it would be a funny show from the past.
It wasn't.
It was live.
Heeeeeeeee's Baaaaaaaack!
I'm so stoked.
This made my whole day.
For the rest of you who don't have any idea, go listen.
Load up your iTunes, search the podcasts for the Rick Emerson show. Listen for a few days worth of espisodes.
Get into the groove, Rick's style, and the general feel.
You'll laugh until you wet yourself.
I have to go buy a new radio for my desk now!
Friday, March 10, 2006
eeee leck trissity
Electricity and I are not friends. On more than a few occasions I have had the misfortune to encounter electricity in a way that makes me both über respectful and downright paranoid of the demon coming through the wires.
Episode 1: The Phantom Menacing Range
When attempting to cook dinner one evening, I turned on our circa 1950 Ken-o-Lux (Kenmore Knock off?) range only to be met by a huge flash of white light, followed by purple smoke.
And me being hurled across the room.
Derek thought this was both entertaining and hilariously funny. He finally stopped laughing only to realize that this meant he'd be buying us dinner that night.
Heating element blew out, ordered a replacement (or one that Sears thought *might* work, since they didn't have a record of that particular stove, and since it only had a 3 digit serial number, they couldn't cross reference it in their archives).
After installing the new element, no matter what cycle you selected for the range, both the broiler and bake elements would come on and stay on, no matter the internal temperature of the oven. We got really creative with *flash* cooking.
I wrapped two of the metal racks in the oven with tinfoil to create an insulating "hot box" for me to manage to cook somewhat with. Didn't end up working that well.
Episode 2: Attack of the Hair-dryers
Yeah, you know you want to make a bald joke.
Go ahead, I'll wait...
Are you done?
Really?
You sure?
I'll continue...
As I'm drying my hair one morning, I am met with the overwhelmingly odd sensation of bumble-bees coursing up and down my arms, followed immediately by the cord of the hair dryer melting away, a large flash of light, a boom, and the breaker blowing at the fuse box. I must have screamed, thinking I'd been shot, since Derek came running into the darkened bathroom (lights were on the same breaker) and asked "What the hell did you do?" Yeah, I was so bored that I gnawed through the cord while I was using it. I'm an attention whore that way.
Episode 3: Revenge of the Range
So we moved into a nice home, compared to the ghetto villa we used to live in (See Episode 1). The bonus was that the kitchen had just been entirely remodeled. Brand new, never been used appliances, new cabinets, new sink.
Derek and I are sitting in our computer room (which is on the opposite side of the house, and completely not visible to the kitchen in any way). As we are doing our typical bantering, KA-BOOM! Bright flash of white light filled the house. We could see it even from where we were sitting.
I said, instantly, " The range just blew up."
Derek queries: " How do you know that?"
I reply, "Trust me, I have a history with electricity, and ranges, and I recognize the death rattle when I hear it."
Cautiously I enter the kitchen, ensuring that I do not come anywhere near the range. Sure enough, the digital display is blank, pitch black. Dead. This range was less than 3 months old. We hadn't even had the chance to burn pizza drippings intot he bottom of it yet.
Derek pulls the stove out from the wall. ( I nearly pass out just from the thought)
He says, " You stand here and watch the outlet while I turn the breaker back on."
"No way!" I reply.
"Fine!" He snaps. "Then go downstairs and turn the breaker back on while I watch the outlet."
"Are you crazy?! Remember me? Mr. Electricity? No way!" He tried to convince me.
We actually had a little fight over it.
Hello?! Remember me? The crazy one with not a good track record with electricity.
Eventually I found a wooden "corn" broom, and turned the breaker on by shoving the tip of the broom along the breaker switch.
As it turned out, the idiots who installed the range didn't screw in the new electrical cord properly and it shorted out.
So, tonight, as we are both sitting in the basement, which is where we have moved all of the computers in the house now, the lights start to flicker and flash and make a buzzing humming noise. If you saw the new "War of the Worlds" movie (And managed to live through Dakota Fanning screaming for 2 hours), then you know the noises that I'm referring too. A creepy, eerie, metallic electrical flashing welding noise, right before someone is pulverized into grey dust.
I'm thinking we are having lightning strikes.
Derek goes outside, and comes back in to report that the power pole in front of our neighbors house is arcing and the wiring has caught on fire.
WHAT?!
"Did you call 911?" I beg.
"Nope."
Damn-it! I called 911. I have to admit, they answered the phone much faster than I had expected, the phone never even rang.
Long story, short, (too late) the transformer on the line has blown, and it set fire to the lines. Fire department comes out, closes the street to traffic for 15 minutes, while the Power Company guys come out and work on the lines.
No one got hurt, and the power never went out at our house. The neighbors weren't so lucky, it was the line to their house that caused the lines to blow.
It was interesting to sit on the couch in my living room and watch the power box arc and flame for a few minutes.
I'm glad I was behind the safety of my living room window.
I think that I'm going to pull out of my driveway extra fast for the next few days, just in case there are any loose wires.
Episode 1: The Phantom Menacing Range
When attempting to cook dinner one evening, I turned on our circa 1950 Ken-o-Lux (Kenmore Knock off?) range only to be met by a huge flash of white light, followed by purple smoke.
And me being hurled across the room.
Derek thought this was both entertaining and hilariously funny. He finally stopped laughing only to realize that this meant he'd be buying us dinner that night.
Heating element blew out, ordered a replacement (or one that Sears thought *might* work, since they didn't have a record of that particular stove, and since it only had a 3 digit serial number, they couldn't cross reference it in their archives).
After installing the new element, no matter what cycle you selected for the range, both the broiler and bake elements would come on and stay on, no matter the internal temperature of the oven. We got really creative with *flash* cooking.
I wrapped two of the metal racks in the oven with tinfoil to create an insulating "hot box" for me to manage to cook somewhat with. Didn't end up working that well.
Episode 2: Attack of the Hair-dryers
Yeah, you know you want to make a bald joke.
Go ahead, I'll wait...
Are you done?
Really?
You sure?
I'll continue...
As I'm drying my hair one morning, I am met with the overwhelmingly odd sensation of bumble-bees coursing up and down my arms, followed immediately by the cord of the hair dryer melting away, a large flash of light, a boom, and the breaker blowing at the fuse box. I must have screamed, thinking I'd been shot, since Derek came running into the darkened bathroom (lights were on the same breaker) and asked "What the hell did you do?" Yeah, I was so bored that I gnawed through the cord while I was using it. I'm an attention whore that way.
Episode 3: Revenge of the Range
So we moved into a nice home, compared to the ghetto villa we used to live in (See Episode 1). The bonus was that the kitchen had just been entirely remodeled. Brand new, never been used appliances, new cabinets, new sink.
Derek and I are sitting in our computer room (which is on the opposite side of the house, and completely not visible to the kitchen in any way). As we are doing our typical bantering, KA-BOOM! Bright flash of white light filled the house. We could see it even from where we were sitting.
I said, instantly, " The range just blew up."
Derek queries: " How do you know that?"
I reply, "Trust me, I have a history with electricity, and ranges, and I recognize the death rattle when I hear it."
Cautiously I enter the kitchen, ensuring that I do not come anywhere near the range. Sure enough, the digital display is blank, pitch black. Dead. This range was less than 3 months old. We hadn't even had the chance to burn pizza drippings intot he bottom of it yet.
Derek pulls the stove out from the wall. ( I nearly pass out just from the thought)
He says, " You stand here and watch the outlet while I turn the breaker back on."
"No way!" I reply.
"Fine!" He snaps. "Then go downstairs and turn the breaker back on while I watch the outlet."
"Are you crazy?! Remember me? Mr. Electricity? No way!" He tried to convince me.
We actually had a little fight over it.
Hello?! Remember me? The crazy one with not a good track record with electricity.
Eventually I found a wooden "corn" broom, and turned the breaker on by shoving the tip of the broom along the breaker switch.
As it turned out, the idiots who installed the range didn't screw in the new electrical cord properly and it shorted out.
So, tonight, as we are both sitting in the basement, which is where we have moved all of the computers in the house now, the lights start to flicker and flash and make a buzzing humming noise. If you saw the new "War of the Worlds" movie (And managed to live through Dakota Fanning screaming for 2 hours), then you know the noises that I'm referring too. A creepy, eerie, metallic electrical flashing welding noise, right before someone is pulverized into grey dust.
I'm thinking we are having lightning strikes.
Derek goes outside, and comes back in to report that the power pole in front of our neighbors house is arcing and the wiring has caught on fire.
WHAT?!
"Did you call 911?" I beg.
"Nope."
Damn-it! I called 911. I have to admit, they answered the phone much faster than I had expected, the phone never even rang.
Long story, short, (too late) the transformer on the line has blown, and it set fire to the lines. Fire department comes out, closes the street to traffic for 15 minutes, while the Power Company guys come out and work on the lines.
No one got hurt, and the power never went out at our house. The neighbors weren't so lucky, it was the line to their house that caused the lines to blow.
It was interesting to sit on the couch in my living room and watch the power box arc and flame for a few minutes.
I'm glad I was behind the safety of my living room window.
I think that I'm going to pull out of my driveway extra fast for the next few days, just in case there are any loose wires.
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