eeee leck trissity

Electricity and I are not friends. On more than a few occasions I have had the misfortune to encounter electricity in a way that makes me both über respectful and downright paranoid of the demon coming through the wires.

Episode 1: The Phantom Menacing Range

When attempting to cook dinner one evening, I turned on our circa 1950 Ken-o-Lux (Kenmore Knock off?) range only to be met by a huge flash of white light, followed by purple smoke.
And me being hurled across the room.

Derek thought this was both entertaining and hilariously funny. He finally stopped laughing only to realize that this meant he'd be buying us dinner that night.

Heating element blew out, ordered a replacement (or one that Sears thought *might* work, since they didn't have a record of that particular stove, and since it only had a 3 digit serial number, they couldn't cross reference it in their archives).

After installing the new element, no matter what cycle you selected for the range, both the broiler and bake elements would come on and stay on, no matter the internal temperature of the oven. We got really creative with *flash* cooking.
I wrapped two of the metal racks in the oven with tinfoil to create an insulating "hot box" for me to manage to cook somewhat with. Didn't end up working that well.

Episode 2: Attack of the Hair-dryers

Yeah, you know you want to make a bald joke.
Go ahead, I'll wait...


Are you done?


Really?


You sure?


I'll continue...

As I'm drying my hair one morning, I am met with the overwhelmingly odd sensation of bumble-bees coursing up and down my arms, followed immediately by the cord of the hair dryer melting away, a large flash of light, a boom, and the breaker blowing at the fuse box. I must have screamed, thinking I'd been shot, since Derek came running into the darkened bathroom (lights were on the same breaker) and asked "What the hell did you do?" Yeah, I was so bored that I gnawed through the cord while I was using it. I'm an attention whore that way.


Episode 3: Revenge of the Range

So we moved into a nice home, compared to the ghetto villa we used to live in (See Episode 1). The bonus was that the kitchen had just been entirely remodeled. Brand new, never been used appliances, new cabinets, new sink.

Derek and I are sitting in our computer room (which is on the opposite side of the house, and completely not visible to the kitchen in any way). As we are doing our typical bantering, KA-BOOM! Bright flash of white light filled the house. We could see it even from where we were sitting.

I said, instantly, " The range just blew up."

Derek queries: " How do you know that?"

I reply, "Trust me, I have a history with electricity, and ranges, and I recognize the death rattle when I hear it."

Cautiously I enter the kitchen, ensuring that I do not come anywhere near the range. Sure enough, the digital display is blank, pitch black. Dead. This range was less than 3 months old. We hadn't even had the chance to burn pizza drippings intot he bottom of it yet.

Derek pulls the stove out from the wall. ( I nearly pass out just from the thought)

He says, " You stand here and watch the outlet while I turn the breaker back on."
"No way!" I reply.

"Fine!" He snaps. "Then go downstairs and turn the breaker back on while I watch the outlet."

"Are you crazy?! Remember me? Mr. Electricity? No way!" He tried to convince me.
We actually had a little fight over it.
Hello?! Remember me? The crazy one with not a good track record with electricity.

Eventually I found a wooden "corn" broom, and turned the breaker on by shoving the tip of the broom along the breaker switch.

As it turned out, the idiots who installed the range didn't screw in the new electrical cord properly and it shorted out.


So, tonight, as we are both sitting in the basement, which is where we have moved all of the computers in the house now, the lights start to flicker and flash and make a buzzing humming noise. If you saw the new "War of the Worlds" movie (And managed to live through Dakota Fanning screaming for 2 hours), then you know the noises that I'm referring too. A creepy, eerie, metallic electrical flashing welding noise, right before someone is pulverized into grey dust.

I'm thinking we are having lightning strikes.

Derek goes outside, and comes back in to report that the power pole in front of our neighbors house is arcing and the wiring has caught on fire.

WHAT?!

"Did you call 911?" I beg.

"Nope."

Damn-it! I called 911. I have to admit, they answered the phone much faster than I had expected, the phone never even rang.

Long story, short, (too late) the transformer on the line has blown, and it set fire to the lines. Fire department comes out, closes the street to traffic for 15 minutes, while the Power Company guys come out and work on the lines.

No one got hurt, and the power never went out at our house. The neighbors weren't so lucky, it was the line to their house that caused the lines to blow.

It was interesting to sit on the couch in my living room and watch the power box arc and flame for a few minutes.

I'm glad I was behind the safety of my living room window.

I think that I'm going to pull out of my driveway extra fast for the next few days, just in case there are any loose wires.