Rats!

Travis' folks are here visiting from Texas. His graduation is on Saturday, so they decided to come to Oregon for a week, and stay to watch him walk. (His Masters). In preparation of them arriving, we did some cleaning about the house, and tried to straighten things up as best we could. We don't wallow in filth, but the house was starting to get a bit cluttered, and I probably should be vacuuming a bit more in the summer when Beau decides he's trying to shed an entire rug's worth of dog hair on a daily basis.

We've had a long history with trash removal around the house. Derek refuses to pay to have the refuse company pick up the can in front of the house. He figures that since he has a dumpster at work, he'd just take it to work to dump. No need to have them pick it up. (Except that he never takes it into work, it just sits in the garage until we nag him to take it.)

With the frenzy of house cleaning, we had too much trash to hide in the garage, so we decided to take it down to Derek's work and dump it ourselves. I put an old comforter into the back of the SUV, and Travis helped me to load it up carefully, double and triple bagging the already bagged garbage. Some of it was already leaking and decomposing and just full of gross trash juice. Ick! As I was wandering around the garage for a few minutes, we went back into the house and got a few more trash bags, and then returned to the garage.

Dead on the garage floor, where it had not been a little bit earlier, was a rat. Dead. Rat. Let those two words sink in a little bit. Yuk. Travis and I had a very brief conversation about the dead rat, and decided to leave it until we got back from the trash run to deal with it. I mean, maybe it was just really tired, and napping. It could happen. Right?

After unloading the trash at Derek's dumpster, and getting garbage juice on my leg (a triple bagged parcel leaked anyway....) we drove home only to find the dead rat in the same spot. He had flies buzzing around him. Guess this nap was permanent.

Me: We need to get rid of the rat
Travis: I'll get the shovel and we'll just fling it on the side of the house where Derek flings all the stuff he doesn't like.
Me: I think we...WHAT!? No. We need to dispose of it like responsible adults
Travis: What is the difference?
Me: It is a DEAD RAT.
Travis: You're being silly
Me: Don't care. I'm going to go Google how to get rid of the rat.
Travis: You know that you're crazy, right?

Yes. I am crazy. I'm crazy about lots of things. But most of them are related to germs and dead things, so I don't have a problem with it. After all, I just had garbage juice down my leg, and in the back of my vehicle. So, I was also inhaling garbage air. How's that for crazy? Eh?

I did not want to take a page out of the book of my father. He told and instructed us, as kids, to fling the dog crap over the fence with a shovel. Not realizing that years later, along with countless loads of lawn clippings, that someone would eventually build a house on the wooded area(s) where we loaded piles of doggy-doo and a multitude of other decomposable sins.

Google told us what to do.

Me: Google says we need to mix a bleach solution (3TBPS Bleach to a gallon of water) and spray the rat until it is soaked. Then we put it in a zip-top bag, and double bag it, then we put it in a large garbage bag, tie the bag closed, and put it in a trash can with a tight fitting lid. I'll go mix the bleach, and get gloves and baggies.
Travis: This has got to be one of the whitest things you've ever done.
Me: It's a dead rat. I don't care.
Travis: We don't have a garbage can that gets picked up, we just went to the 'dump'
Me: Don't care.

We gloved up, got the baggies and bleach and trash liner, Travis got the shovel, and I took the shovel and scooped up the rat. Travis re-positioned the shovel, and then I soaked it in the bleach.

Travis: So I'll hold the shovel and you'll hold the baggie.
Me: No, YOU are going to hold the baggie and I'll move the shovel.
Travis: Why me?
Me: Because I did the google work and mixed the bleach. And I have had enough going wrong it he last 24 hours. What with the spiders crawling out of my air conditioner in the house, trash in my SUV, a spider on the front seat, and the trash juice. (Another very long story)
Travis: *sighs*

Travis held the first zip top bag, as I lifted the shovel, then the bleach soaked rat moved on the shovel. I squealed like a little girl. We continued, the rat fell into the bag, I took it from Travis and zipped it up. Then I put it into a second zip top bag and zipped it up. Then I put it in a third one and zipped that up too. I'm nothing if not thorough.

So, picture the two of us, grown adults, in my driveway, gloved up, with baggies and a squirt bottle of bleach and a shovel, maneuvering around one another like ballerinas, carrying a dead rat on a shovel. If it had been video-taped, I'm sure it was the funniest thing anyone could ever see.

Not so much fun for me. But we did it.
Not sure this was the 'couple bonding' that I had in mind.

More about the spiders in my next post.

The Horrors of the IRS?

My family has a less than stellar past with the IRS, owing to a bad tax shelter deal that occurred when I was but a wee child. So, in most instances, I err on the side of conservativism and caution in dealing with the IRS.

For the last few years, I have been using H&R Block's online tax service because they offered a computer style interview process, and allowed me to file electronically. The benefit was that all of my data was accessible to me at any time online should I want or need it.

I had a few complicated years of taxes, mostly surrounding the fact that I have a Health Savings Account, Student Loan Interest, and sold some stock, and had additionally some unemployment income. I wanted a place where I could get my taxes done that wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg, but that wasn't going to take a month to get done.

I had previously used Jackson Hewitt tax services for a few years, up until the agent LOST all of the paperwork I gave him.

I got a notice from the IRS a few weeks ago noting that my 2008 (really on the ball, that IRS auditing process) tax return was in error. And that I now owe them more money. And penalties. And interest.

Upon examining all of the paperwork that the IRS sent me, it turns out that one of the forms H&R Block processed omitted some information. This makes it look to the IRS that I underpaid. And they want their money.

For all of the horror talk that you hear about the IRS, the agents on the phone have all been very nice and helpful. They offered suggestions, and one today even offered to have a local agent help me with H&R Block if I was having problems. (Guess they screw up a lot of people's taxes...)

H&R Block was not so friendly. They told me to PAY what the IRS says that I owe, including penalties and interest. If there was an error on my return, they would then in turn, reimburse me the penalty and interest money paid. Notice, they would not pay the money that I owe. I guess it is my money that is owed, and I got the refund. It still pisses me off that they screwed up, and I am going to pay for it. Plus they want me to fax them all of the IRS paperwork, and they'll examine it. And then they'll get back to me. In 6 to 8 weeks.

The IRS only gave me 30 days. I requested another 30 day extension. So I should have enough time to come up with the money that they think I owe.

The good news is that I think I figured out how H&R Block screwed up, and I don't actually owe anything. The IRS says that if it was just a bad form, I just have to send it in, and it would then negate my penalty and interest, and wipe out what I owe.

For all the horror stories, the IRS was very nice and helpful. It was H&R Block that pissed me off. Shame on you. Shame on you very much. You took my money, screwed up my refund, and then wouldn't help me figure out what the problem was. I basically had to do my entire return over again, on paper, myself, with out help.

I take that back, the IRS helped me go through the papework.

Way to make yourself look good IRS.

H&R Block, you can bite me.

Stupid Cracker please meet EZ Cracker

Ok... perhaps my brain is truly starting to turn into mush from watching too much television. Maybe having Conan leave me was devastating. Maybe I'm undernourished and my brain cells have started to cannibalize each other.

You have got to be the laziest damned stupid person to need a product that CRACKS EGGS for you. Then, to throw in a device that pre-scrambles the eggs for you in the shell too.

Seriously, I worry for the future of this country sometimes.

https://www.ezcracker.com/

Check it out.

Then weep.

Isn't this the most 'white' thing you've ever seen? Seriously, how stupid are we as a culture. How much of a dumb white housewife do you need to be that you can't open an egg?

Not to insult competent housewives everywhere, of course.

Egads.

I'm With CoCo

I was a huge fan of Johnny Carson when he hosted the Tonight Show. I remember being 6 or 7 years old, having a small black and white television with the single telescopic antenna, with two knobs, one for VHF, and the other for UHF. Both knobs additionally had internal knobs so that they could be 'fine tuned' to really get that extra sharp and crisp analog 1978 signal.

(The Other Things In My Head picture is very nearly what I had for a while....take a look...)

In Alaska, the NBC affiliate put The Tonight Show on at 11 PM. Perhaps it was due to the tape delay system that was used before same day satellite technology was affordable. Or maybe it was just an act of remote disobedience to a far away master. (Alaska can have that affect).

At 10 PM there was the nightly news for 30 minutes. Then re-runs of 'Soap' at 10:30 PM. And then, every night, 11 PM, Johnny Carson.

I love Johnny Carson. I can't find one single reason why I have such an affection for him. I can say that I felt he was honest and loved his audience. I believe that he loved his job. He always seemed to be good at being the butt of a joke, so long as the audience got a laugh. He would ask people questions, but more than that, he got them to tell stories that they normally likely wouldn't tell otherwise. Perhaps that was the alcohol in the coffee mugs? Perhaps it was the back stage shenanigans? Who knows. I don't care how the magic was made, I was just happy and eager to watch. I would even watch the re-run shows when he went on vacation.

When he retired, I was sad. I remember watching the last Johnny Carson broadcast, and remember crying. How silly was that? Crying for a tv show? But he was more a bit of my family. He was there every night to make me laugh, and unless I was feeling really energetic, he was the last thing I saw before I drifted off to sleep.

I didn't like Jay Leno. I never did. I just don't find him funny. I'm sure he has talent, he got the show and ran it for 17 years. Someone obviously liked him. I just didn't. I didn't in the same way that David Letterman, although sometimes funny, just never did that much for me either.

I stopped watching The Tonight Show for many many years. I really never stayed up that late anymore, and certainly not late enough to see much Conan O'Brien.

Having found myself unemployed, and drowning my sorrows in self pity and frustration, I bought a new tv, and a digital cable box with a DVR.

How did I ever live without a DVR? Honestly. It changed me. Probably not for the better.

I can't stand commercials. I would rather record something while I'm sitting, and then play it back an hour later. Sometimes I'll deliberately pause it, and leave the room for 20 minutes, so that I can come back, and have a buffer so that I can forward through the commercials.

A funny thing happened, I started to record Conan. He was now new to The Tonight show. Because NBC doesn't cut the show off exactly, I started to record Jimmy Fallon too, so that I didn't miss the end of Conan. I found Conan funny. Funnier than I remember. I started watching/DVR'ing the show from Day 1. Although I now regret not doing it every single night. I thought he was a worthy replacement for Jay Leno. No one can ever replace Johnny, though. I will also admit that Jimmy Fallon is a lot funnier than I expected, although he seems to have good days and bad days much more to the extreme than Conan. Still, Conan seemed to keep in the spirit of Johnny Carson. I respect him for that. I also really respect him for not wanting to change the show to a later time just to save his own skin. The show must go on. It still sucks snot.

NBC, I'm mad at you.

Jay Leno, I'm disappointed in you. Isn't it time for you to retire? You screwed Davis Letterman, and now you're screwing Conan. C'mon, man. Don't you have a shred of decency? Sense of shame? Do you know how to bow out gracefully? Egads. I'll never ever ever ever follow anything you do.

Zucker, you're an ass-hat. I don't wish you harm, but I do wish that you end up unemployed too.

I'm not sure if I'm going to go with a scorched earth policy. I'm not entirely decided.

Though, I'm seriously contemplating ignoring NBC entirely.

Yes, that means I'd have to give up Heroes. (Although, not sure I'd miss it that much).

It means that I'd have to give up the LOCAL news team that I really like. (KGW).

But I can't think of a better, more satisfying way to punish them.

But then do I also give up MSNBC? No Keith Olberman? I think Travis would be most unhappy with me if I banned Keith from the TV.

If they get rid of Conan, which seems that they will, I can't find a good reason to give them my loyalty in return, though.

Conan, I'll follow you wherever you go, just so I can stick it to NBC. Please don't be gone too long.

Paying For It...

Tonight we watched something that I had recorded on the DVR, the National Geographic Channel(HD) to be exact. Taboo - Prostitution. It discussed the topic of third world prostitution in Bangladesh, where you can be sold into the trade at age 18, and is legal, but abortion is not.

Then look to Australia where brothels and prostitution have been legalized. Strict rules, inspection, blood tests, and safe working environments are purported to reduce illegal activities against the women, some of whom make over $150k US per year.

Over and over they had a shrill woman with some college credentials shrieking that any act of women selling themselves for sex hurts *all* women in all forms of sexuality. That it is a violent act, even if no violence against the woman actually occurs. The damage is damage. Damage to one woman is damage to all women.

Thought #1. If it is a woman's body, and it is legal in the country, is it really harmful? The woman is making (hopefully) an educated position about herself and her body and her career path. She is making money for herself, legally, and she may in many cases make more money in a few short weeks of work than some of us might make in an entire year. I say that if she is not coerced into it, and she can quit at any time, and is making money for herself in a safe environment, isn't this a good thing?

Thought #2. If a woman tells a guy that she isn't going to be intimate with him until he takes her out to a movie, dinner, dancing, drinks, and then also shows off all night to her friends, how is that not a barter for services? Not that there is anything wrong with that. Is there? Why should that be ok then?

Thought #3. The program talked about a disabled man living in the UK. Poor guy. He has some form of muscular / skeletal disorder that rendered him unable to use his arms or legs, but miraculously (incredulously, or just plain meanly of his creator, deity, spaghetti monster etc) had the ability to be sexual aroused. He is wheel chair bound, and relies upon his dad as a care giver. He can not get women to have sex with him. He's in a wheel chair! Some women are off put by that, I'd suppose. He had his father accompany him / drive him to Holland, where sex is legal for pay, and he went to a brothel and paid for an hour with a woman. He left satisfied, though he'd wished he could find someone long term. The shrill shrieking woman was adamant (see above) that even though he was disabled, his act of paying for sex was deplorable. And wrong. So, I have a few words for her:

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH HIM.

You seem to think that he should be able to have sex 'in an egalitarian manner', so you should provide him the service. Prove that its possible for him. I suspect you won't. I suspect instead you'll just prattle on and on about how harmful his behaviour is to other women. The woman, I might add, that he paid, had health care, and made a better living than I do.

You need to read the big book of 'Shut the F*#K Up!'

I like to read through other people's blog postings from time to time.

Admittedly, I avoid most of the 'twitter' stuff, and I don't always follow religiously, so sometimes things slip through my brain. I only got a facebook / myspace account so that I could cyber stalk Rick Emerson and his (hopefully) future pursuits. I'm geeky like that. I'm cool with myself.

Increasingly, though, it amazes me that people read things on the web and take them at face value, or worse, cite the web article as a statement of fact.

People, I can type anything I want on here. I can claim it is true, and no one can debate me. I say it is true, I make the rules on this particular blog, I am infallible. I am the blog god. So to speak.

I have the bestest blog ever for 2009!*

*(According to my dog, Beauregard)

I have bleeding heart liberal hippie pals on the left, and I have some oddly right wing whacko pals. I welcome everyone into my tent of dysfunctionality. I don't exclude someone just because I don't happen to like the fact that they may chew on their own toenails. That is between them, and their own particular deity, goat, chicken, candle, or flying spaghetti monster.

What really grates on me, however, is that people (yes, some of my friends) will blindly follow online articles, work themselves up over same article, email a bunch of other people citing the article and expounding upon it as the new gospel.

Don't ever come to me with something on the web, and that as your only fact to support an argument. I'll shut you down. Or at least, shut you out. Read it. Reflect upon it. Research it.

The days of 'news' being reportage is long gone. News is now entertainment. I really can't find news on television anymore, with the exception of the BBC, and even that is suspect.

Go consult the true book of knowledge, the book that I think I should write someday.

It is the big book of Shut The F*#K Up.

Your ears are not able to adequately hear when your mouth is ejecting noise.

Listening and speaking are mutually exclusive. It is a very binary reality.

One can either be speaking, or be listening. You can not do both simultaneously.

Plates colliding.....

Life just never seems to let up. I shouldn't complain though, considering I have a roof over my head, I have plenty of food and water, and I haven't lost anyone in a bad earthquake.

Growing up in earthquake territory, I do feel for the people of Haiti. No fun at all. The only good thing about earthquakes compared to a few other natural disasters is that they are without any panicked buildup or warning. Add to it that they are over rather quickly (relatively) and are done. Fires you see coming for quite some time and they destroy things pretty completely.

Floods slowly build, ruin, then slowly recede. Then you have worse things that linger like mud, mold, and mildew.

The worst part about earthquakes is rubble, and land shifts. If it rains in Haiti, flooding and muddy landslides could happen.

Having lived with a mother who survived the 1964 Alaska Good Friday earthquake, I suspect that I have a fair bit of latent phobia about being water / food-less. My pantry is huge. It has enough food for us to last probably a week or so from. More than I suspect many of my peers have. We don't have enough water on hand. That is always troubling. Where do you store it? How do you keep it? Do you rotate it out? Egads. Its maddening to think about.

All that being said, what about people that take daily medications? What if you were 3 days before you next 30 day refill? Bam. Now what? You have 3 days. Then you have to decide if you can make it beyond the 3 days. Will there even be a pharmacy open?

Water, food deliveries, basic necessities. Those will all be forthcoming. But who knows how long that might take too?

In the US, we have the luxury of a Walgreens or other retailer on nearly every block, in our big cities.

Not everyone is so lucky.

Think about that.

If you have $10 to give, give it. If you can't, thats ok too. At lest think good thoughts.

It could have been us.

2010

Not what was promised in the movie. But not too bad so far.

Two or Travis' friends drove up to visit us twice before their departure back to college. That was fun. Good people, and adults. It is so nice to be around people who act as responsible adults. Although originally they were going to have lunch with us, the snow started falling last week in the middle of their visit. After our lunch of Gustav's, which was fantastic, we hung around the house chatting and socializing. We got 6 inches of snow in the greater Portland area, so they decided to hang out longer. The roads were all backed up for hours, and they were staying with family about 90 minutes away. So, we took them out to Hawthorne Fish house for dinner.

They left pretty late, probably around 10 PM or so. They didn't make it back until nearly 230 AM. I felt so bad for them. But we did offer to let them spend the night. Snow. It just disables this city. Amazing. Simply crazy.

They came back and visited us again yesterday, taking us to lunch this time. We went to Kennedy School McMennamins. Had decent food, but poor service. And I had a watered down drink. 2 outta 3 aint bad, I suppose.

They hung out most of the evening, and I served raspberry cheesecake.

It was good social interaction.

Need to find a job. Looking, but not finding. Seeking but not succeeding. Frustrating.

Couple more weeks, and I'm going to have to make some final decisions on the future. I'm still decently comfortable for now.

Trying to stay positive while existing in a vortex. I'm surprisingly not depressed, just stressed somewhat.

I'm lucky that Travis tolerates me and that Beau is completely oblivious. Life would be much harder, otherwise.

Waiting on OSU to review my transcript.

Waiting for the phone to ring.

Waiting, waiting, waiting. I'm just not good at being patient.

I know, it is on my list of things for 2010.

I'm working on it.

2009 - The Year of Partly Sucky

I look back on you 2009, and you were partly sucky, with scattered periods of suck.

Laid off in March. Sucktastic.

Spent lots of family time in Alaska. Repeatedly. It was good, since we managed to surprise my Dad for his 60th birthday.

Still struggling to find a job. More sucktastic.

Had Christmas company. That was fun. But stressful. Stressfully fun?

Had new visitors post Christmas, was fun, but snowy. Non sucktastic. In fact, it was nice to be able to interact with other adult couples. Travis and I don't get too much of that.

Christmas was nice. I got a new toaster, so I can finally put that )*#)@#&@ Cuisinart piece of crap that I spent too much money on out of my own misery. Mad the best cheese sauce for my potatoes. Ever.

Spent the night just being low key for New Years. James Bond movie, Champagne, latkes, and watching Dick Clark lose his countdown. Poor guy.

Ended 2009 with all of the same family I had when 2009 started. +1.

Baby J is now with us. I'm now Big J. That is pretty cool, though I didn't have anything to do with it.

Thinks for 2010:

Finding a job or moving back to Alaska.

Getting back into school.

Keeping the dog healthy.

Keeping myself healthy.

Losing some weight.

Doing a better job at being in a relationship.

Keeping the house cleaner.

Swearing less.

Cooking slightly healthier. (I said SLIGHTLY)

Thinking about shaving my head and face and beard all off. (Thinking...thinking...thinking...)

Reading more.

Blogging more.

To all of you, may 2010 have all the blessings of 2009, plus a little more for good measure.

Peace.