Jumping back in!

I know that I have been gone too long.  I'm sorry.  Self absorbed.  Unhappy.  Only really writing to myself.  (Although looking at the traffic and the audience, I think perhaps I'm only really writing to myself, anyway.)

So, just gonna hit the ground running.


Update:

Car incident:   Dude got 28 days in jail, of which he can serve any 2 days / weekend over the next 3 years.  3 years probation.  3 years no driving.  3 years no alcohol.  Not holding my breath.

Body incident:  Down 35 lbs since this time last year.  Healing from knee surgery (see - car incident).  Mobile.  Pain is at a manageable level right now.  Though I'm still reliant on tramadol and the occasional opiate.  I just can't seem to get back to 'nothing'.  Good days and bad days.  I'm finally over the peak, though, and my good days are finally starting to outnumber my bad days.

Life:  New car.  New dog.  (Gryphon, adorable, and gives me something to love when I find it hard sometimes to even love myself...). Less hair.  Less money.  More inner peace.

House:  Travis is preparing to move to Minneapolis for his final year of school before he goes off and gets a real job, and has to enter the world of repaying student loan debt.  Derek, well he is Derek.  Don't know if we are going to keep the house once Travis moves.  Not sure if Derek wants to live on his own.  We've been friends for so long, I don't know how it would feel to not have him around.

Relationships:  Tough one.  Not really been doing much of anything.  Dating here and there. Nothing all that serious, though, except maybe....... I have met a new guy, a hunk of a stud.  Very early in our 'best behaviours' of the dating realm.  I've been to his place.  He's been to my place.  Ben is a great guy.  Employed.  (self employed, gotta admire ambition!) Lives on his own.  Is able to bathe himself.  Does laundry.  Doesn't live in a shopping cart.   Did I mention he was super woofy?  I hope that I don't scare him too much with my brand of crazy.  Now,  just have to try to not eff this up.  Stay calm.  Speak clearly and slowly, and try not to say the wrong thing.  (Oh, lord, help me.  I constantly say things that don't come out as I mean them.  *sigh* , why is it that *this* man makes me tongue tied?  I've stood at a podium and given speeches for huge crowds of strangers, but one on one I get flummoxed)

Work:  Employed.  Full time at the County.  Great job.  Great people.  Politics alive and well, I can report.  On leave (see Body incident / Car incident).  I know they miss me.  I miss my buds at County.  Not missing the work right now, since I'm not all that mobile / ambulatory.

Future: ?  Well, stay tuned.

ON PURPOSE!!!

More Car Incident Stuff:

Post car crash, I noticed something interesting in my driving behaviour:

I have a great deal of anxiety when I am driving by myself.  I am far more paranoid / overly cautious in my driving habits.

This may be a good thing, who knows.

When I have passengers in the vehicle, however, I don't feel that way.  At all. Safety in numbers?
Do I have a latent belief that bad things only happen to me when I'm alone?  This weekend would contradict that, I have had the house to myself for several days.  I got a lot of cleaning done.  And had ice cream for dinner last night.  (I ate a huge lunch, and forgot to eat dinner, it wasn't until I had downed a pint of B&J that I realized I hadn't actually had dinner)  It really is a good thing to be an adult.  Especially when unsupervised.

 Do I think other people are my magic protection against bad things happening to me?

Don't get me wrong.  I am sooooo grateful that I didn't have a passenger in the crash.  Not to mention, if the dog had been in the car at the time, I really don't know what I would have done.  I'm glad, in a very very tiny way, and sort of relieved that he wasn't around post-crash.  It would have made healing harder, and more cumbersome.  He wouldn't have understood what was going on with me.  And very likely had have tromped on my injuries.

And since I'm babbling about it, why is it called an accident?

He did it on purpose.
He chose to get into a car.
He chose to drive recklessly.
He chose to chase someone else.
He chose to be angry.
He chose to speed.
He chose to cross that intersection.

That was no accident.

It was a series of poor choices.  Likely from a very damaged individual.  I don't really know.  I don't know anything about him.  Other than he seems to have a good talent of fucking up lives.  His own, and now mine.  Hopefully there won't be any more innocent bystanders.

Pretty sure I'm going to have a very nasty, permanent scar, on my leg, where the Emergency Brake Pedal took a chunk out of it.

I'm going to start calling it an incident.  Or go back to my 'on purpose'.

I finally had to speak to *his* insurance company on Friday.  My insurance company sort of told me I had to. Plus they were (his company) trying to make sure everything was getting paid for.
She is cutting me a check for my deductible.  ($250).  And since I didn't rent a car, she is going to pay me anyway for the max of what they would have paid for if I had actually rented a car.  That'll cover my first two car payments.  I'm trying to be positive about it all.

In talking with her, it was fairly obvious that *they* believe he is going to be charged and found responsible.  (duh, I say!).  He hasn't been very forthcoming with information.  They didn't know he had a trial date pending.  She indicated, rather aloofly, that he wasn't very coherent.  I'm going to go out  on a limb and submit that he's likely drinking.  Heavily.  Since he is possible going to a place where he'll have to make toilet hooch.  She indicated that he stated that he was turning into the convenience store.  Interesting.  That was well past the stop light.  On my side.  If that were the case, I'd still have my Explorer.

It is going to be an interesting fall.

I'm looking forward to Vegas in November.  And turning 40.
I'm not looking forward to going to court. But, it is the right thing to do.  If not for me, for any future potential victims.  They need protection.